TRUST

Sometimes I have a feeling of resentment followed by a feeling of guilt. Sometimes though it’s not guilt I feel it’s actually more like washed up feelings from the past. And that makes me want to give up. Today I felt resentment towards David and his Dad for a lot of reasons. Taking money from the business, demanding things I am not ready for and making me responsible for a lot of things that I was felt I was not prepared for. And the feeling of being used by David for all his tricks as a con artist that I fell for before knowing he was just that. It hurts a little still to know that in this life of mine, in the prime of my youth, happiness was taken away from me by someone who then took advantage of my trust and light way of being. Now I am faced with a lot of challenges that I cannot face alone. I am struggling to move forward and make something positive towards my future. I do not want to rely on others to give it to me I really feel like earning something and feeling good about it. I know it will be a hard road but it will be worth it in the end. I feel like I need someone to comprehend the things that are going on in my life but they can not because it’s not their lives they can only imagine what it’s like. I felt sad when I talked to David on the phone today because he seemed to be sharing and was being sincere. But there’s a part of me that I feel, will never trust him again.
Also, I was upset about my Dad’s comments about me choosing Josh to baby-sit my daughter. I think I have enough common sense to choose someone of quality for my daughter. But regardless of what he said, it still felt like a guilt trip was being put onto me.
On the positive side, I am glad that things are clearing up and that soon I will be working in my new gardening job, for the whole year. I am also proud of myself for being an active reader. I read three books this summer. It has helped me with my brain balance lately. My receptors seem to be active again. My logic side feels like it is working once more.